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Post by Gundham Tanaka on Aug 21, 2018 0:00:41 GMT
Cool, mind copy pasting the new versions so that it works properly, you can likely set it up better than me
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Post by Makoto Naegi on Aug 21, 2018 0:04:02 GMT
Maybe get rid of the second Emmet, as per Gonta's deduction?
"- Almost all of them ONLY mention the character's name in that first sentence, and use a lot of he/she's after that, I propose we follow that exact pattern as well."
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Post by Gonta Gokuhara on Aug 21, 2018 0:05:15 GMT
I approve of Sakaya and Naegi's suggestions! ^_^
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Post by Sayaka Maizono on Aug 21, 2018 0:06:05 GMT
Name: Emmett Hayes
Talent: Ultimate Ventriloquist
Quote: "You talking to me?"
Bio: Emmett never had many friends as a kid. He spent many days alone on the playground talking to his imaginary friends, but then he got a ventriloquist dummy for Christmas. Soon he found solace in creating different personalities and characters as his dummy collection grew. After showcasing his newfound talent at the local talent show, he became a lot more popular. Soon after, he began performing for various government officials and celebrities, including the Prime Minister! His shows sell out everywhere he goes, and he's even preparing for an international tour. He loves all of his dummies, but his favorite will always be his first.
Name: Lindsay Zilch
Talent: Ultimate Beekeeper
Quote: “Say Bees!”
Bio: Lindsay grew up on her grandfather’s honey bee farm. She loved the sweet and delicious taste of honey from a young age. As she got older, her grandfather taught her how to make honey and take care of the bees. Sometimes early on she'd get stung, learning quickly that she shouldn't annoy the bees. Since she started training, the farm has tripled its production! Every night before she sleeps, she pours some honey in her tea and sits on her patio while enjoying the soft buzz around her.
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Post by Himiko Yumeno on Aug 21, 2018 0:07:04 GMT
So far, so good
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Post by Gundham Tanaka on Aug 21, 2018 0:08:23 GMT
Cool, touch up the dentist one if there is anything wrong there and I can do final formatting (like bolding and stuff), but thanks a ton!
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Post by Sayaka Maizono on Aug 21, 2018 0:11:26 GMT
Name: Albert Golden
Talent: Ultimate Dentist
Quote: “Open Wide!”
Bio: Albert grew up with a fascination for teeth. Most people hated going to the dentist, but it was Albert’s favorite time of the year! His love of teeth followed him into his teen years where he studied up on everything he could to learn more about he strong, ivory bone. Molars, cuspids, incisors--you name it-- Albert knew all about it. He never understood why so many people in the world could go without flossing their teeth every day! He was determined to change the world, and clean the mouths of millions, so Albert opened up his own dentistry office. One by one, he would save the world. One by one, mouths would be cleaned.
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Post by Gundham Tanaka on Aug 21, 2018 0:12:26 GMT
Thanks!
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Post by Sayaka Maizono on Aug 21, 2018 0:12:27 GMT
The dentist one was basically perfect grammatically! I made a slight change
"the love of teeth followed him" to "his love of teeth" but I don't know if that mattered or not.
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Post by Gonta Gokuhara on Aug 21, 2018 0:13:23 GMT
"cuspids, incisors--you name it-- Albert knew "
Gonta think we need to take the "--" out, none of other bios have these type of usage in the bio. Gonta not know the correct way to format this though (maybe in commas?), or maybe we reword it?
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Post by Gundham Tanaka on Aug 21, 2018 0:16:21 GMT
Would just commas work?
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Post by Sayaka Maizono on Aug 21, 2018 0:17:46 GMT
Perhaps: Molars, cuspids, incisors--you name it-- Albert knew all about it!
To: Molars, cuspids, incisors, and more!
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Post by Gundham Tanaka on Aug 21, 2018 0:21:05 GMT
Or perhaps "Whether it was a molar, incisor or cuspid, if it was in the mouth, Albert knew all about it!"
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Post by Gonta Gokuhara on Aug 21, 2018 0:22:03 GMT
Or perhaps "Whether it was a molar, incisor or cuspid, if it was in the mouth, Albert knew all about it!" Gonta approves of this message!
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Post by Makoto Naegi on Aug 21, 2018 0:22:12 GMT
Name: Lindsay Zilch Talent: Ultimate Beekeeper Quote: “Say Bees!” Bio: Lindsay grew up on her grandfather’s honey bee farm. She loved the sweet and delicious taste of honey from a young age. As she got older, her grandfather taught her how to make honey and take care of the bees. Sometimes early on she'd get stung, learning quickly that she shouldn't annoy the bees. Since she started training, the farm has tripled its production! Every night before she sleeps, she pours some honey in her tea and sits on her patio while enjoying the soft buzz around her. This one needs another sentence (or one sentence splitting in two) if it's to match the seven sentences rule
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Post by Gonta Gokuhara on Aug 21, 2018 0:25:25 GMT
Name: Lindsay Zilch Talent: Ultimate Beekeeper Quote: “Say Bees!” Bio: Lindsay grew up on her grandfather’s honey bee farm. She loved the sweet and delicious taste of honey from a young age. As she got older, her grandfather taught her how to make honey and take care of the bees. Sometimes she'd get stung by the bees and get frustrated! She learned quickly that she shouldn't annoy the bees. Since she started training, the farm has tripled its production! Every night before she sleeps, she pours some honey in her tea and sits on her patio while enjoying the buzz around her. This one needs another sentence (or one sentence splitting in two) if it's to match the seven sentences rule Is better?
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Post by Gundham Tanaka on Aug 21, 2018 0:29:04 GMT
Perhaps maybe
Name: Lindsay Zilch
Talent: Ultimate Beekeeper
Quote: “Say Bees!”
Bio: Lindsay grew up on her grandfather’s honey bee farm. She loved the sweet and delicious taste of honey from a young age. As she got older, her grandfather taught her how to make honey and take care of the bees. Sometimes she'd get stung by the bees, learning quickly that she shouldn't annoy them. Regardless, she persisted, learning to love the bees and make them love her. Since she started training, the farm has tripled its production! Every night before she sleeps, she pours some honey in her tea and sits on her patio while enjoying the buzz around her.
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Post by Sayaka Maizono on Aug 21, 2018 0:30:01 GMT
Looks good!
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Post by Gonta Gokuhara on Aug 21, 2018 0:30:08 GMT
Much better ^_^! It totally transitions better now.
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Post by Gundham Tanaka on Aug 21, 2018 0:35:07 GMT
Cool, I'll codify all these into one post then
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Post by Gundham Tanaka on Aug 21, 2018 0:42:13 GMT
Name: Lindsay Zilch Talent: Ultimate Beekeeper Quote: “Say Bees!” Bio: Lindsay grew up on her grandfather’s honey bee farm. She loved the sweet and delicious taste of honey from a young age. As she got older, her grandfather taught her how to make honey and take care of the bees. Sometimes she'd get stung by the bees, learning quickly that she shouldn't annoy them. Regardless, she persisted, learning to love the bees and make them love her. Since she started training, the farm has tripled its production! Every night before she sleeps, she pours some honey in her tea and sits on her patio while enjoying the buzz around her.
Name: Albert Griffin Talent: Ultimate Dentist Quote: “Open Wide!” Bio: Albert grew up with a fascination for teeth. Most people hated going to the dentist, but it was Albert’s favorite time of the year! His love of teeth followed him into his teen years where he studied up on everything he could to learn more about he strong, ivory bone. Whether it was a molar, incisor or cuspid, if it was in the mouth, Albert knew all about it! He never understood why so many people in the world could go without flossing their teeth every day! He was determined to change the world, and clean the mouths of millions, so Albert opened up his own dentistry office. One by one, he would save the world. One by one, mouths would be cleaned.
Name: Emmett Hayes Talent: Ultimate Ventriloquist Quote: "You talking to me?" Bio: Emmett never had many friends as a kid. He spent many days alone on the playground talking to his imaginary friends, but then he got a ventriloquist dummy for Christmas. Soon he found solace in creating different personalities and characters as his dummy collection grew. After showcasing his newfound talent at the local talent show, he became a lot more popular. Soon after, he began performing for various government officials and celebrities, including the Prime Minister! His shows sell out everywhere he goes, and he's even preparing for an international tour. He loves all of his dummies, but his favorite will always be his first.
Someone double check that they meet all the criteria, please, and that I didn't accidentally post the wrong version
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Post by Sayaka Maizono on Aug 21, 2018 0:56:59 GMT
I don't see anything wrong! Let's go!
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Post by Gundham Tanaka on Aug 21, 2018 1:24:51 GMT
Cool, anyone else want to check it out? Otherwise this will be our official stuff. Also I'll be gone in like half an hour but have to prep for that starting soon, so hopefully I'll be able to talk after that.
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Post by Gundham Tanaka on Aug 21, 2018 1:40:14 GMT
Should we change the quote for the ventriloquist, there are no question quotes
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Post by Makoto Naegi on Aug 21, 2018 1:42:34 GMT
"My mouth is up here." or something? Sorry I'm bad at this
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