Nagito

1. What does it say about your social game that some of the people you were closest and most loyal to, namely Akane and Celestia, were from what I can tell paranoid of you to varying degrees and didn't necessarily intend to take you as far as you wanted to take them?

All 3 of you:
What did you learn about yourself from participating in this?

Hey Chihiro! Glad to hear you're doing okay! We were all a little worried.
I haven't learned anything too profound because I've done these games before, but one thing I've noticed, is I've matured a lot in terms of how I play games (and these games specifically). Before, these survivor games would keep me up at night and I'd have a hard time detaching myself from it. This time, I managed to get in the framework this is a game, and I never once lost sleep thinking about this game, and it wasn't constantly on my mind when I wasn't in front of my computer. (Well, most of the game. Last night the adrenaline of actually being in the FTC kept me up at least an hour later lol)
I noticed that change in myself enough that I wanted to include it in my opening speech, (the part how I've been working on not being competitive in an unhealthy way.)

I also learned I still definitely have a soul and take no pleasure in voting people out. I get the kick out of the outlasting and strategic part, not the voting part.

     That this game can get to me. Like damn does it. Shuichi talked about how he didn't lose sleep playing this game and I don't think I quite did that, but damn, has it taken a toll on me. Like I think everyone knows at this point that I've never made it this far in a game (granted my opportunities for this have been limited) and like most of merge is a new beast to. Like I really enjoyed the tribal portion, because you all want to work together, all have to work together. And I was great at helping being at the forefront of those. And I met tons of cool people, and I just wanted to play the game with them. Like I might not have lost sleep, but I definitely spent a lot of my free time just thinking about the best way to do well on a certain challenge and what was going to happen if we went to tribal (I had like 30 minute video confessionals on different portions of the game, and damn did I just stop myself sometimes as I was making them because I couldn't take the feels). And the I made it to Silver Tribe and I had 3 people I absolutely adored and we fought together and I know you didn't like Makoto all that much and I did and probably would have found a way to cancel the tribal council if I had to choose between the two of you, and ugh.

And then I got to see almost all my friends die, slowly. Like for the challenge where we had to solve that stupid pyramid I actually made a cheat sheet of all the eliminations and there's just a streak of mastermind red running up the page with Gonta, TeruTeru, Leon, Makoto and last Koreikiyo all going out and ugh. Even though I was angry that koreikiyo posted that thread "dabbing" on makoto it still sucked to see someone I knew go again. And I couldn't really do anything to stop any of them except teruteru, but he's like the one that I was most lukewarm on so it was okay. But yeah, that demoralized me, I remember promising with you to place well for them, and I'm not sure how much you meant it, but I did. Like I definitely swore vengeance for makoto when I walked in since I figured there was no way me, who knew like no one on the other tribe (and pretty much everyone else knew multiple people, and between shuichi and nagito those two had met almost all of them), would stand a chance of getting to the end of the game. But maybe I could at least do some level of avenging.

And I remember being so happy that I managed to take the first immunity, beating out Shuichi by a full minute, like yes! Suck it Shuichi and your stupid hat, I won this one. ANd then he won the next (though I did throw it) and I was like...oh, great...one of those challenge people...yay. And then the thing I wanted happened and I was so happy and then the last people I trusted fully started getting targeted and one of the people was the other person I trusted fully and I was, sad, but like, everyone would be okay right? right? it'd be okay?  And then the other only person I trust is medevaced. And it's just like...sad you know. But you have to keep playing so you hope to get noticed somehow because your other people you trust are like the coolest people ever and everyone knows them but they don't know you so you know you stand zero chance against them but want to work with them, because yeah, what else are you gonna do, work with the people who have a million other people that can and should work with over you. 

And then big brother happened and I tried so hard to get something to happen, and it like happened. And then the next few rounds were just me trying so hard to win immunities even though they didn't matter because apparently people didn't want to fight me, but I just kept losing for small stupid mistakes, like that time I didn't google butterflies so I lost, or that time I missed the clue the mods intentionally made hard to find but shuichi did, or that time I didn't look at the direction of the red arrow which ended up. But the immunities don't matter and my group of people I trusted grows a little bit and I was happy because...I just might have a chance after everything I lost. And suddenly, I lost one of the two people I originally trusted because I didn't switch my vote because I also cared about another player and like ugh, that hurt. And then I finally got to kill the person who killed makoto the most who just....kept.....living, and was also a pretty cool person but damn did I need them to die. And then I had to choose whether to kill my best friend remaining in the game, or give a chance of losing to them at the end. And then I really didn't like myself because I already knew what I was gonna do the moment I saw immunity results, and then yeah, that was sad...like really sad, and slow, and ugh, games suck. But at least I might have a chance, a shot at making the end and so you give it your all, and I won final immunity and like, yay yay yay. I actually made it, little old gundham after getting fucked by rng so much and being in a fucking terrible spot at merge start actually made it to the end of the game and no one could take it away.

And then I wrote a stupidly long speech with a stupid technique and rushed through the actual part that people would read because I'm an idiot and was so happy that I was actually going to make the end even though I knew from the moment I stepped into merge if I made it to the end I'd probably be in a bad spot just because I didn't swap with most of the people that existed.

And then Mikan is all like "yeah, you won't win" and I'm just "really?" and she's like "yeah, you were so passive man" and I'm like "Passive? What you say" and she's like "yeah, you gonna lose" and I'm like, "but I must fight and protect my honor" and then go through with the stupid speech that it seems convinced no one either way on me.

And then yeah. FTC is pretty much designed to break you down. Like I've been looking at questions and wondering like "what else was I supposed to do?" was I supposed to go to the end with the all stars and just lose? was I supposed to magically stop votes on tribes that I wasn't on? was I supposed to immediately betray the only people who mattered to me at merge and try to work with people who'd probably just cut me after a little bit of time? And it all just sucks cause like...I don't think anyone else is gonna tell me that, at least not until after the game. And if there is no answer to that question then.... And I try to talk about my previous tribes and it feels like everyone is "yeah I wasn't there, but what about MERGE" when like half the game happens before merge. 

And wow this was a lot of rambling about what I felt on this game because none of the ones I played before actually haven't actually...affected me like this. And like it seems a number of votes are still very much in the air,  and all hope is not lost, but damn I needed to get this all out of my system even though it probably doesn't help my case at all. But like, yeah I've been dying to talk to you since you left and haven't been able to (and you didn't even say goodbye), and I guess that's why I'm posting this here to a question that's like...not meant to get like this. But eh, if it doesn't feel real, if you don't feel it deeply, then like, why are you playing. Yeah, I guess I learned just how much a game with a bunch of online people can make you feel, through twists and turns, blindsides and immunity runs and I lot of messaging. And like, Chihiro, I made it, I fucking made it to the end of one these things. And it was hard to do that, it was really hard to do that, and damn did I feel it all the way here. So I guess that's the answer to your question. Sorry about the rambling and the switching tenses but after a while I felt I was just....in too deep to not finish the thoughts and feels. Welp. I think I'm gonna sleep.

Shuichi
2. Both for premerge and postmerge, could you answer for me who you feel you misread the intentions of the most?

Not too long til questioning closes, not really sure I have a specific third question for Shuichi or Gundham. Several other jurors have asked questions that I'm really glad they did.

I was gonna ramble a bit on my impressions of certain things but I keep deleting everything else I write so whoo knows

Shuichi, I believe you mentioned somewhere that you were motivated at times by wanting to outlast me and Ibuki specifically. You accomplished that at least I just thought it was funny cuz it was something that I felt in turn for you+ Kirumi when she returned, but that's...something that definitely subsided over time. There's a few minor things you lied to me about (downplaying connection with Nagito, your reason for not telling me about your Toko vote) that I ... like I'm not even mad. I guess it's amusing to me that I wanted to believe you about those things. It does bum me out that I left when we finally hit the point of strategizing together. rip

Nagito, I'll be honest that opening speech didn't do as much for me as the other two ones did, a lot of which is because it was fairly succinct and, well, I came into this with comparatively much less information about your gameplay. I'm still ... trying to get a handle on how to evaluate your social strategy, what opportunities having two idols afforded you, that sort of thing. You do have some good content in certain juror threads. You're just unlikely to get my vote without I guess clearing up my third question satisfactorily and without a closing speech that's more...cohesive? To me at least your positives are more important than their negatives. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I wanna be clear I never disliked you on a personal level and in fact found you a great conversationalist about non-game stuff, just...yeah.

Gundham, hey, I definitely meant that I wanted us both to do well. FWIW the things I'm aware of lying to you about in this game by omission or otherwise were (1) knowing about Leon's advantage information, (2) that I told Mikan that I was voting Ibuki at F12, although I thought that she already suspected about it bc of something she mentioned Hiyoko had said (3) that Saya was targeting Akane at F11. When I poured my heart out to you in my last messages that was really my perception of what was happening. I think as you mentioned you didn't execute your grand vision for an opening in the way you wanted but I did wanna say, I've been thinking a lot over the past several days about the qualities of a good winner so that aspect of your speech did resonate with me. Not that I want you to like...be feeling beat down, but I do think that the fact that you lucked into being the least connected in merge but managed to maneuver your way here is an important part of your story that your vulnerability here showcased better than arguments you've made in other places.

This...isn't relevant to whether anyone should win the game but I didn't actually dislike Makoto, in fact I believe I remember telling you I had the best initial impression of him between him/Leon/Ibuki. I'm not sure he knew I felt that way because I was really pretty passive socially on that tribe, which may have led to his relative indifference toward me on Silver that disappointed me so much. And um...sorry for not saying goodbye, I guess you can add that to the list of ways I didn't do right by you in the game. But I'm glad me leaving didn't tank it.

Seems I got ninja'd considering my profile notification.